As Promised
by EmLovesYouu
Summary: NOW A TWO-SHOT. 100th episode/season 6 speculation. "Two words that kept me awake at night, tossing and turning; wondering how those words had tied me to a promise I didn't want to keep".
1. Part I

**I know I should be in bed, but I'm not tired.**

**This is kinda related to the 100****th**** episode, and on rumours about next season.**

**Enjoy!**

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"_Inside my heart is breaking,_

_My make-up may be flaking,_

_But my smile still stays on"_

_**(The Show Must Go On – Baz Luhrmann's 'Moulin Rouge')**_

Promises are quite often hard to keep. Sometimes you'll promise you'll do something or promise someone something in the spare of the moment, and then thirty seconds later think, 'no way in hell can I _actually_ stand by that'. Then the one sole thing you can think about is what will happen when; not if; _when_ you break that promise. You imagine that person's face when they realise you haven't stood by what you've said. You imagine the anger and disappointment that you believe will follow. You imagine the way trust will be lessened after that. You imagine your friendship dissolving after you continue to make unkept promises. You imagine all the alternate scenarios, all the 'what ifs'. What if I'd thought before I'd spoken? What if I'd promised something I could _actually_ follow through with? You imagine all these things happening, when in reality, none of these may happen at all. They may pass unnoticed. But whether or not it will actually happen, the idea that it _could_, eats away at you. Churns you up inside to the point that you fear the day ahead of you. Promises are quite often hard to keep; though they are quite often achievable.

Mine was.

They're achievable if you want them to be; if you put your mind to it. If that promise is the one thing you set your mind to, it is quite simple. Sometimes they weren't for your own benefit. Sometimes they were for the happiness of another; a loved one. You get to the point that it doesn't matter if you shatter your own heart in the process, as long as _they're _happy. As long as they keep their trust in you. You get to the point where their wellbeing is more important than your own.

I don't believe in much; but in that I did. I'd had my happiness, now he should get his.

I'd made a promise. I'd made a promise in two simple words; and those weren't 'I promise'. Words that could be said in everyday conversation with a completely different incentive. They can be said in recognition. In understanding. There are so many ways in which those two words could be said, though the way I'd said it, wiping tears from my eyes, had been more binding than any other way. As binding as a formal contract, in just two words. Two words that kept me awake at night, tossing and turning; wondering how those words had tied me to a promise I didn't want to keep. A promise that would break me; though I wouldn't dare let it show.

Two words.

'I know'.

At the time it had been a way of agreeing with him, _admitting_ what I had known, but buried, for quite some time. It wasn't until hours later, when I'd laid in bed, feeling numb all over, what I'd just committed myself to. I'm promised, without realising it, that I gave him my blessing to move on, to find someone else. It was like saying I was _okay_ with it! But I'd let it pass, thinking he'd realise that I hadn't been promising anything. I'd just been expressing my understanding in what he was saying.

He hadn't realised.

And then there was Catherine. It was then I realised my mistake in thinking he'd understood. And then she went; after a short-lived romance. After that I thought I couldn't have to keep to my promise after all. That is was just a passing moment. It wasn't. Yes, she had left.

Shortly followed by him.

I know I am the one to blame for our parting ways. I started the whole 'I'm sick of the murders' façade. If I hadn't signed up for that dig, he wouldn't have gone off to train newbies, and I wouldn't be in this awful, awkward and heartbreaking situation right now.

I'd waited for a year. I'd pushed myself to forget; failing. Then I'd waited at the coffee cart; keeping a much easier promise. I'd bought our two usual coffees and sat down on a bench and waited. I'd placed them aside when I'd first seen him, searching through the early morning crowd. I'd smiled more brightly than I'd done in a year. I was happy. I'd clung onto his jacket tightly as his arms wrapped around me in greeting.

Then he'd introduced _her_.

He'd turned to her and pulled her closer to his side. "Bones, this is…." I didn't even hear her name. The moment he'd looked at her the way he used to look at me, I'd blocked it all out. I'd nodded, not letting my smile falter for even a moment. I could feel my stomach churning, as it began to eat away at itself, almost instantly. The feelings you get when you break a promise you'd tried so hard to keep crept up at me; I was vulnerable. Though that wasn't the case at all. I hadn't broken a promise; I'd kept a promise I never wanted to keep in the first place. A promise that he could move on, move on from _us_, and I would be okay with it.

I wasn't okay with it.

But he wouldn't know this. I couldn't do that to him; not after all the damage I'd already done. I would put his wellbeing, his happiness, ahead of mine. I appeared happy as they talked about how they'd met and how brave and strong 'her Seeley' was. I tried to block out the agony inside of me. I tried to get rid of the desire to punch this girl square in the face. I tried not to resent him for having the courage that I didn't; the courage to move on from the known, from the safe.

So, that leads me to here. Sitting on a bench by the reflecting pool, talking to the happy couple while resisting the urge to run off and let all the tears fall. I could do this. For _him_ I could do this. For him I could keep my promise; no matter how much I despised it.

"I'm happy for you, Booth," I said smiling, hiding my heartache.

As promised.

_**(This is where the line break should be)**_

**Please review and let me know what you thought.**

**Em xXxXxxx**


	2. Part II

**This was originally a oneshot, but because Jess was so sad, I decided to make it a two-shot. This one is from Booth's POV.**

**Enjoy!**

_**(This is where the line break should be)**_

Promises are often quite hard to keep. Promises are just hard in general. The promises you want to keep will often, one way or another, not be kept. You'll try your hardest and do everything you can do to make sure you can keep it, but most of the time something gets in the way. And then the promises you make unwillingly, the ones you don't want to keep, are the ones that are the easiest. They're the ones that seem to come naturally. Either way, quite often the result is the opposite of what you want to happen. Sometimes you don't want to keep a promise, but you feel you have to, because it's the right thing to do.

That's what it was like for me.

I'd made a promise when I wasn't thinking straight. I'd made a promise when I'd felt rejected, hurt and mislead. When I'd felt heartbroken and unwanted. When I'd truly believed there was no way I would ever be able to love again. When I'd believed I was broken beyond repair. I'd made a promise in a desperate attempt to stop it happening again; to stop me having to go through all that heartache again. If I hadn't made that promise, I would no doubt have tried again; over and over again. I would've made it my duty, my one true thing I would forever fight for. And I wanted to fight for it; God, I wanted to fight for it so bad.

I'd made that promise before I'd even had a chance to think about what I was giving up.

Now that I've thought about it, if I hadn't made that promise, I would've gladly continued to fight. Because it was worth it. Because _she _was worth it. The pain, the heartache, the rejection; I would do it again.

But I couldn't; not anymore.

A promise so simple, just four words, is the only thing standing in my way of taking her in my arms and professing my love for her over and over again. Because breaking a promise is hard, and it has its consequences. Breaking a promise to someone else, is different. In time, they forgive you. But a promise to yourself is another thing all together. The only person to forgive you is yourself. Breaking a promise to yourself, means losing trust in yourself. I couldn't lose that trust; I needed that trust to live with myself and what I've done in my life. Breaking your own promise, sort of leaves a hole in you, a hole that can only heal with forgiveness; and the hardest person to forgive, is yourself.

'I gotta move on'.

Not only did these words hurt when I'd said them, they continued to haunt me for months after that. In the middle of a warzone, when I should've been waking up screaming in the night after a nightmare of guns and missiles and dead bodies; I was having nightmares about the feel of her hands again my chest as she shoved me away saying, 'no'. And then hearing myself say, 'I gotta move on'; when that was the last thing I'd want to do.

Then I met her.

Yeah, she was pretty. She was smart and was a journalist writing about the current war in Afghanistan; but she wasn't _her_. Her dark brown hair and chocolate eyes didn't sparkle in the sun like _her_ light hair and icy blue eyes did. She was smart, but she couldn't answer any question you through at her, and she was _far_ too polite to correct me when I got something wrong. And, yes, she was a good writer, but when reading her work, you can't visualize an image in your mind so realistic it felt like you could actually see it. She was good, but she wasn't _great_.

I'd known it instantly; I'd set my standards too high. But how could you not, after swooning over _her_ for six years.

She was nice, and it felt good to care about someone; not that I didn't care about _her_, I would forever care about her; but someone who cared back. So when the time came to go back to D.C, she came with me. She didn't understand why I was so intent on going to the reflecting pool before I even went home. But I had to. I had to see her, to know that she was happy. To know that my promise had been worthwhile. My promise to move on from her, let her live how she wanted to without me trying to push myself into it. Let me begin again, find happiness and love again. I know it now and I knew it then; I don't want to find happiness and love again, I'm perfectly fine with what I had.

I'd practically forgotten about her in the taxi next to me, when it pulled up about 50 metres from the reflecting pool. I'd walked hurriedly and there she was. Sitting on a bench, two coffees in her hand, looking more stunning than ever. She smiled at me brightly as I reached her, and soon she was in my arms. I'd pulled back and introduced her to my new friend.

"Bones, this is…."

I'd barely heard myself saying the rest. I was so intent on watching her face. Watching to see how she felt about this, about my new relationship. It was almost painful having to listen to her blabbering on about how we'd met, and I'd tried not to scrunch up my face when she'd called me 'her Seeley'.

She looked happy, hearing about all of this. She nodded at points, and though I couldn't hear a word of anything, I knew which parts of the story had been said, when her smile grew ever brighter. She seemed truly happy; and I couldn't put the weight of the fact that, I wasn't, on her shoulders. So I kept to my promise, keeping my sole intact whilst breaking my heart simultaneously.

"I'm happy for you, Booth."

I would leave her as she was; happy. "Thanks, Bones."

As promised.

_**(This is where the line break should be)**_

**I don't like this as much as the first one, but that's up to you.**

**Jess, I'm so sorry it wasn't a 'happy' ending. Forgive me?**

**Please review and let me know what you thought.**

**Em xXxXxxx**


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